Becoming Alone

I have always been someone who can switch from one to another emotion comparatively faster. I prefer being happy despite going through turmoil. And I know that this is not just my story. Almost everybody does it to an extent, if not like me, who always lives with dual emotions. Maybe I taught this habit by seeing my mother after the death of my father. She groaned for many many years. She went into depression for almost 3 years until she started making new and better friends. Seeing her like that, I have subconsciously decided that I will react differently while undergoing a negative phase. I will keep myself happy, engage in creative things and be more and more with my friends.

A social gathering we grown up seeing

Ideally, this is a great way to deal with life, but it can also become dangerous in the long run. When we keep hiding our emotions behind a smile, we build up a huge heap of set-aside negative and unaddressed emotions. While the depression starts seeping in, another more garve outcome is "You start disbelieving and disrespecting yourself". It happens because of pretending and not speaking up for how you feel. It might look normal on your face but deep down you might be getting alone more and more, day by day.

As I said, my mother started collecting herself after making new friends. I too am a great advocate of maintaining friendships and making new friends. I have great friends and I believe you all will agree that friends can bring joy to us. With friends, we don't feel alone. Or do we?

Don't you feel that over time the friendships change shape? A feeling of judgement starts coming in, even if our friend is non-judgemental. We become a little hesitant in giving them a tight and long hug. We try to distance ourselves from friends of the opposite gender because we don't know how their spouses might feel about it. We imagine that our friends are living the ideal married lives so we also show our marriages at their best. We get scared that our friends will stop believing in us because of the change in emotions and mood we go through. We don't talk to them much about our everyday challenges because we don't want to burden them as they have their issues.

Friends forever

A Freind in Need is a Freind indeed! We all have friends and still, we are becoming alone. Why? How? 

I remember the other day I called my friend and I had my catharsis planned to talk to her. But, as soon as I called her she started crying and told me how her sister was facing a tough time. Another incident is- when I called my other friend to let's meet, she was busy with some guests in her house. No hard feelings but, we rarely get time at the same time.

Talking about your siblings. Touchwood, I have them great but when we all are in misery, it becomes difficult to console each other without ending up crying and becoming more sad. Sometimes, we imagine that the other person is not capable of understanding us and we never open up. There can be many more reasons for becoming alone. But, do they really exist?

Basically, what I have realised, is that we become alone in our head first. We make stories and believe in them in our heads. We just know that a friend can not save us from getting into depression. He or she can not comfort you physically because a long tight hug has become awkward now. We can't talk about absurd things because we are grown-ups. While a friend is supposed to be the one knowing and understanding us through and through becomes someone unapproachable. Despite, these feelings are self born and grown, uprooting them from our heads seems impossible. We become alone because we become too understanding.

Tell me your ideas of saving from self-grown thoughts and or coming out of the already presumed ones. If you know!

Drop a comment or write me to Shwetasarkar2020@gmail.com

Waiting to see you all.😘